Seoul Journal; Casanovas, Beware! It really is Dangerous for Non-Koreans

By Nicholas D. Kristof

Feb. 2, 1998

She ended up being a 21-year-old university that is korean, in which he had been an English teacher from Canada, and so they had been ”just buddies” whom often possessed a dinner together. The friendship was mentioned by her to her moms and dads.

That turned into a huge blunder. The moms and dads, horrified that their child might forever destroy the household’s reputation by dating a foreigner, hurriedly forced her to transfer in the center of the college 12 months up to a college during the other end of this nation.

While that will have now been a little extreme, the effect underscores the profound anxieties here about romances between Korean females and men that are foreign. Such romances are getting to be more noticeable since the wide range of young Americans staying in Southern Korea keeps growing, additionally the problem produces enormous sensitivities about the 37,000 American troops stationed right here.

Just a couple of years back, a soldier that is american touched the behind of the Korean girl — his spouse — tripped a brawl that resulted in their arrest and also to denunciations into the press in regards to the United states army threat to Korean ladies. many years before that, A us sergeant-major had been beaten to death with a Korean guy whom objected towards the United states escorting a girlfriend that is korean.

Interracial relationships are really a painful and sensitive problem in numerous nations, but especially therefore in Southern Korea. Such romances give you a screen to the culture, for they touch several of the most sensitive and painful nerves into the Korean psyche — concerning nationwide identity, to attitudes toward foreigners and also to ideals in regards to the purity of females.

”I’d prefer to subside with my gf, and I also wonder if her family members would ever accept me,” mused Frank A. Dressler, a 36-year-old United states who has been venturing out with a woman that is korean Seoul for just two years. ”Her family members nevertheless does not understand we occur.”

To make sure, your family did when get an inkling, together with response wasn’t promising. The parents locked the gf when you look at the true house for 10 times, telling her to contact unwell at her task. They alternated interrogations with lectures.

”They said, ‘There would be no blood that is mixing our house,’ ” recalled the girl, whom insisted that she never be identified. They warned her that any love by having a foreigner wouldn’t normally just ruin her very own wedding leads but would additionally ensure it is more problematic for her cousin and sibling to marry.

”If We have a international boyfriend, then it is type of a negative point on our entire household,” the lady noted — talking in Mr. Dressler’s household. Although she lied to her moms and dads, insisting that she had no international boyfriend, she’s got continued the relationship, in great privacy.

”Sometimes I just desire that Frank had been Korean,” she sighed.

A woman that is korean holds fingers by having a Western guy dangers being occasionally harangued, called a ”whore,” and on occasion even slapped or spat upon. This might be becoming less frequent, but nevertheless, the main explanation Mr. Dressler’s gf purchased an automobile had been to enable them to circumvent Seoul without risking ire that is public.

The sensitivities are becoming more visible in part because Southern Korea gets the US troops and in component because several thousand other young Westerners attended right right here, frequently being employed as English teachers. Many of them are young, single and male, not really acquainted with South Korean customs and delighted to be surrounded by whatever they perceive as throngs of gorgeous and qualified ladies.

Being a homogeneous nation by having a deep and prickly feeling of nationalism, developed during centuries of invasions by next-door next-door neighbors, Korea is often suspicious of foreign motives — a suspicion that historically has usually been justified. Hence while you can find exceptions, for numerous Koreans the notion of interracial dating appears an affront to Korean patriotism and also to ”pure” bloodstream lines. The antagonisms are especially deep once the United states is black colored, as numerous regarding the soldiers are.

”A Korean girl must never date or marry a international man,” stated Kim Hee Sup, a 34-year-old office worker that is male. ”All Koreans should attempt to keep racial purity.”

Another underlying problem is a stronger belief that ladies must be virgins during the time of wedding, reflecting the old Confucian saying: ”For a female to starve to death is a tiny matter, however for her to get rid of her chastity is an excellent calamity.”

Tips are changing, but some Korean guys are nevertheless reluctant to marry any girl that has possessed a boyfriend that is foreign due to an atmosphere that she might be ”second-hand ware.”

Partly because Korean culture doesn’t impose exactly the same limitations on males, there was less of the taboo about Korean guys dating women that are western. Southern Korea’s founding President, Syngman Rhee, had A us spouse, and she never became an issue that is major.

Whatever the case, South Korean culture is evolving incredibly quickly and it is undergoing the start of a intimate revolution of its very very own, and all this might be producing a far more available environment. Numerous young women are happy to consider a love having A western guy, even when their moms and dads tend to be nevertheless horrified during the idea. And also by all records, threshold keeps growing.

”It was previously pretty bad — I would get things thrown I were dancing with a Korean girl,” said Peter Keusgen, a 29-year-old Australian stock analyst who has spent most of the last six years in South Korea at me if. ”Coming from that low base, Korea’s come a way that is long. Individuals are significantly more accepting now.”

Nevertheless, numerous international males complain that as they admire the effectiveness of Korean families, additionally the youngsters’ sense of responsibility with their moms and dads, it is hard to develop love in such an environment.

”It ended up being very easy to get a night out together, however the woman’s concept had been completely different, totally platonic,” mused Michael Minor, a Canadian whom runs a language institute in Seoul. ” Then the brief minute it risked getting significantly more than platonic, as soon as she could be dropping in love, it will be: ‘Oh, no! i cannot! We’m Korean. Just just exactly What would my dad state?’ ”